Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
They have beer where we have blood.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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