there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
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Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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