Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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