The maid of honor just puked.
I wish I only lived at night.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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