I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize