Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
