Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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