we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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