Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
