I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
