So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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