Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
