I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
