how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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