I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
