i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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