I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
