matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
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