just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
