let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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