I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize