oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
