erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
