I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
