I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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