I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
