She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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