Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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