He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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