If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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