Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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