I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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