whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
