just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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