Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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