I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
