No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
