There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
