i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
