everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize