Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
