I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
