I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
