You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
