i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
God I need to hump something, right now.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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