I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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