Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
