I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
