Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize