She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize