I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I can text with my tongue
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
