Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
