I just pynch a tree in the face
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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