pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
