All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
