You really coming over, don't trick.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
