I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
