At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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