So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
