I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
