i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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