I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Panties = found
Randomize
