If i come over, it means nothing
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
