so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
