My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
