I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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