I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
