I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I forget how to act sober
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
